Connecticut Drag Dor Com Exciting Major Super Announcement
Hello Connecticut™ and perhaps even some of you folks in the greater tri-state area. It’s me, Fla Kevin Ferrisi. Normally I upload to ConnecticutDrag.com™ but I spilled a big ol’ glass of juice on my computer today. Luckily the gracious and buxom Flaminia let me borrow her website for this exciting major super announcement!
We’ve recently opened up a poll for you, drag fans and Connecticans, to vote for the Best of Readers Poll 2024. An opportunity to highlight the desperation talent of the local community. We asked you to nominate Connecticut Drag™ artists in a variety of categories. There’s no money involved this time because I realized how easy it is for you freaks to bot votes this is for FUN. The Connecticut Drag™ scene is already full of cliques, why not add some superlatives and make it feel like a real high school?
Despite the nominations not ending until tomorrow, there’s been a remarkable surge of votes for some categories and we’re ready to announce some winners. Surprisingly, there were some categories that readers sent in themselves! Without further ado, let’s see those results:
Best At Going into Anaphylactic Shock in Response to Dairy
You can tip this queen some single bills, but please keep the Kraft™ singles at home! When Rory Roux Lay isn’t twirling and strutting on stage, she’s avoiding dairy due to a lethal allergy prompted by having Lyme Disease at an early age. Hundreds of Connecticut Drag™ fans emailed this nomination from burner accounts. Thank you, community!
Best at Shaking that Thang
Kenya Mone Heart in the lush fields of Connecticut™
Yes, I know there’s already a best dancer category in the readers poll. This is different though! You can learn to dance, but shaking that thang is something you have, or you have not. This title may seem a little unnecessary, since Kenya already won a Nobel Peace Prize for her glamorous glutes back in 2018.
However, you wanted more. An unknown number of you Connecticut Drag™ fans kidnapped a dear friend of mine and the ransom note said awarding Kenya this title was the only way I’d see her again. When I got the note, I was so startled I spilled my big ol’ glass of juice and broke my computer. Please let her go. I did what you want. Please.
Best at not understanding the subtle distinctions between shades of purple
Ambrosia, shown here out of Connecticut Drag™ wearing merchandise for some unknown out of state queen.
You may remember Ambrosia as the winner of our last Connecticut Drag™ poll, but did you know she can’t tell the difference between sophisticated Aubergine and plebian Eggplant? Read all about it here and here. Kind of really messed up if you think about it… and I’ve been thinking about it a lot.
Every night for the past three weeks I’ve been running around in a panicked fugue state. It’s all a blur. I wake up drenched in sweat. The only reason I know it’s been three weeks is because I seem to be scratching tally marks into my wall. My local Connecticut™ gas station attendant showed me some disturbing security footage of… myself… chanting in an ancient language before gorging myself on about 34 dollars’ worth of Slim Jims. It sounded like the chanting was proto-Greek, or perhaps Phrygian. The only words I could understand from the clips were Aubergine and Eggplant.
Unfortunately, it’s too late to revoke Ambrosia’s previous title for this egregious offence. We already did all that paperwork at the Connecticut™ DMV to make it official. That’s why I, Fla Kevin Ferrisi, have decided to award this title to acknowledge Ambrosia.
Best Punctuation.
Moxie! Period.
Best Egg
Being magically transformed into a CGI egg hasn’t stopped this Connecticut Drag™ diva from working slaying boots house down mama work yas tea. When it comes to performing… this queen is……… no yolk ;)
Does anybody else smell burnt toast?
Best Dainty Little Apricot
oops I accidentally put up this Rory picture again instead of a picture of Flaminia. Oh well I’m sure nobody is reading this far down anyways.
What is there to say about me, her, Flaminia? She’s so delicate that even a light breeze can leave intense bruising. So apricotinous that even her websites color palette is apricot. What a beautiful website it is, don’t you agree? I could spend minutes clicking around looking at all the blog posts, photos, art, or maybe getting some tips from her. It’s amazing how she writes in her diary every single day (that she feels like it).
As far as pointless titles go, this is by far the most pointless. It doesn’t really matter who nominated her for this, since she would have just forged the title for herself anyways. At least forgery requires a little more skill than all the queens spam nominating themselves.
Conclusion
And there you have it, folks. Another exciting round of awards from Connecticut Drag™. These certainly won’t have diminishing returns the more we give out. Some people may say that this will only stoke petty infighting, but I disagree. You’re all so eager and attention starved that if there weren’t meaningless titles you’d make up some other nonsense to argue about. Somebody might as well get clicks out of it!
Was there someone we missed? Let us know! (without kidnapping more of my friends please)
My lawyers have advised me, Flaminia, to acknowledge that I wrote this article and Kevy had no knowledge or involvement. Nobody was harmed or kidnapped in the making of this article I was lying for fun and attention. Please don’t sue. k thx bye.
