Finding Flaminia

Hi! It’s me, Flaminia.

This is my first blog post here, so I figured it’d make sense to explain how and why I got started with drag. There are actually three different answers to this question.

Finding my name

High school was when I started to feel like I didn’t have to hide parts of myself in order to fit in. I took acting classes all 4 years of it, something I was too ashamed to be seen doing before. My second year in theater we did a workshop of an old type of theater known as commedia dell'arte. Commedia is a centuries old style of Italian theatre. These shows are written as rough outlines instead of full scripts, and they all use similar stock characters. A lot of the patterns and character types in these plays show up to this day. One of the archetypes present in most scripts is the “innamorati”, or lovers. One of these lover characters is Flaminia! Something about the character description of her immediately resonated. She was carefree, chic, and hopelessly romantic. I imagined someone I aspired to be.

This iteration of the character was extremely unpolished. No makeup, some atrocious, shiny, party city wig and gown, and balloons as a breastplate. It didn’t matter then though; the point was to have fun. I actually played multiple characters, which is common practice in Commedia, but Flaminia was the one I put the most into. I brought the character to life with over-the-top acting and ridiculous choices. To show that the character was a bit self-centered, I used my name when talking about myself (a joke that has spiraled out of control since then). We only rehearsed and performed Commedia for a month or two in class, but the character stayed with me, Flaminia. It stuck as a nickname with my friends and when I started doing drag for real there was never any other name to consider.

That was the first time I acted as a woman, but even in high school it wouldn’t be the last. The rest of my roles were as cranky old ladies. I do a really funny cranky old lady voice. I knew Flaminia would come back eventually though. The only other drag queen I had seen at this point in my life was Varla Jean Merman, an absolute legend who I’m still a huge fan of to this day, but I’d have my real introduction to the local scene a little after I graduated.

Finding the scene

I had just graduated high school and started college. One of my friends had showed me drag race (I think I started with season 4 or all-stars 2, I don’t really remember) and it looked like a lot of fun. Another friend had told me about a local competition that had just sprung up called “Tuck and Strut”. There’s a lot to say about Tuck and Strut… it might be a topic for a future blog post. For now, I’ll just go over what’s relevant to this. This was a monthly themed competition at a fancy restaurant. I did NOT do any research or real preparation beforehand because I was impulsive and naive (still am). Just jumped right in in the middle of summer and completely bombed.

My makeup was terrible, my hair was atrocious, and the worst part was that I didn’t really understand what padding was so I tried to use a towel. About halfway through my first performance, a lipsync to a song from Dance Dance Revolution, the towel slipped half out and was just kind of flopping around while I jumped around in my 3-inch payless pumps. It was a disaster. Truly. I think there’s still group photos from back then floating around in some recess of facebook, but I have no intention of spelunking for them. I regret making my debut as a booger, but what matters is that I kept going back.

The next time I went I did a Betty Boop number that went a lot better! I was still crunchy and unrecognizable to what I look like today, but I had improved so much that the show organizer, Sky Casper, didn’t realize it was me, Flaminia. I kept competing and experimenting with different styles and techniques. Having a different theme each month was a good catalyst for this. The theme I eventually got my first win for was Disney. I thought the theme was stupid! I figured everyone would either do a villain or a princess, and I decided to subvert expectations and go as Dory from Finding Nemo. The competition was discontinued a few months later.

This was where I met a lot of queens that I still know today. Giganta Smalls, Angel Rivers, [REDACTED] who I had a miserable toxic relationship with for about 6 months, Robin Fierce did my first photo shoot and business card design, Harmony Valkyrie, Glass Staine, and so many more. Plus, all the performers who have moved away or quit drag since then. The most important person I met was Mia E. Z’Lay. She saw potential in me that only my actual mother had seen before, so she adopted me! When I got old enough, I started performing at the Chez Est for her early open stages and the first few Chez Legends.

Finding Ben

Before the plays and the pageants, there was just an odd quiet little boy. As a young child, I went to an orthodox Jewish summer camp. I’m not orthodox, but this was a much cheaper option than anything secular. In a lot of ways, it was pretty similar to regular summer camp. We played games, did arts and crafts, it was the first place I sang in front of a crowd. It was pretty obvious how it was different though. Everyone else had more orthodox names and garb. We did prayer sessions every day, which I kind of just spaced out for since I don’t know Hebrew. Most of the staff were either Rabbi’s or related to a Rabbi. One day we did a mock Jewish wedding ceremony. I wanted to be the bride.

I wore a thrift store white gown that was too big on me. We had set up a chuppah in the cafeteria. I felt more beautiful than I ever had in my entire life, which wasn’t a long time up to that point. That feeling didn’t last long. The other boys in my group started to tease me (except my groom, he was so sweet). Called me gay years before I understood what that word actually meant, but they said it with such a venom that I began to cry. I got cold feet and ran away from my wedding. One of the rabbi’s tried to console me.

“There are people who do what you did today as a career. One day you could be very famous doing this.” he explained. “Big stars like Robin Williams and Tyler Perry, they’re not gay. It’s just comedy.” the rabbi continued. I was 6 or 7 at the time, and I hadn’t seen a Madea movie or Mrs. Doubtfire. There was no doubt that I was flaming though. This experience is interesting in hindsight. It could have been a lot worse, but it could have been a lot better. The homophobia I experienced wasn’t based in religion, it was just the common attitude of the mid 2000’s.

I wish I could have been explicitly told in that moment that it didn’t matter even if I was gay. I wasted so many years after that trying to hide the best parts of myself. The rabbi was kind of right, I did go on to do drag for comedy. Not just for comedy though. For glamour, for tragedy, for gay art. I made a fake persona to express real parts of myself.